3 – the Other People

It’s sometimes a maddening thought that even when we see ourselves in a mirror, we don’t accurately see ourselves the way others see us. We love to say that we’re our own worst critics, always so because we strive for acceptance from somewhere. Where does that need come from? Does it come from our parents or another family member? Does it stem from a relationship or some other form of rejection? Is it really just a side effect of having such a different way of communicating these complicated thoughts and emotions, that you just have no frame of reference and subliminally you punish yourself for not being like others? I’m no psychiatrist. It’s different for everyone.

You will find that once everyone is out on the playing field, there’s a natural tendency to see everyone else as competition, even if you don’t want to identify them as such. The comparisons are just too easy to grasp: Why are they successful? Why aren’t they successful? What are they figuring out? Is there something they’re doing that I should be doing? Context is a delicate thing to consider; If we’re going to fully understand whether or not we’re even in the same game, it’s important that we don’t measure value over knowledge. We’re powerless to control how an audience or other competitors place value on us as artists; We can own our knowledge and exercise it like a muscle.

In some ways, of course, actual competition is super healthy, but only if it’s done without envy. If you use the people around you to inspire your work ethic, your level of daring, even your curiosity to explore that undiscovered territory of your talents, that’s the absolute best situation you can be in. Many of the top artists out there with long careers didn’t do it alone. They came up with a collective group of like-minded people, even those who had different talents, disciplines, or interests. Some of them just put themselves through difficult challenges – it could be intense schooling, it could be a competition – that put them on a playing field that forced them to learn newer boundaries at an accelerated pace.

Even with the best intentions and a loyal circle of conspirators around you, the sense of competition mixed with over critical self-evaluation can be overwhelming. Nobody wants to feel a sense of being left behind, and you’ll get a lot of help with your self-doubt and an intimate focus on your flaws. Here’s the fascinating paradigm that we usually don’t see until we’ve taken some bruises and have essentially learned to not care; Your talent, your voice, your journey is yours alone and has a value unto itself that nobody really has the power to take away. You might face some harsh critics (mostly people who cannot do what you do, or haven’t tried), you might even keep poking at apathy where you want acceptance. At the very center, where your capability meets opportunity, you are untouchable and there is absolutely no denying the spark, the thing you love doing and your ability to do it. In some ways, the hurdles you run up against, the critics and naysayers, that pack you’ve found yourself running with, are all a good test for how much you really want it and where you want to go.

Turning this around to those people you might see as you as competition, all of those people have their journeys as well. They’ve made sacrifices, had amazing strokes of great luck and terrible streaks of bad luck. They’ve been overlooked and pressured to succeed, criticized and praised, and have their own unique set of defining milestones to get to where you see them. The way they do things may not make any sense to you, and much of internet culture is built on an idea of “better than.” The dues they’ve paid and the direction they’re going is just as undeniable as your journey is. In that respect, they’re not really competing with you, nor are you with them. Your paths may be similar at this point, but considering everyone’s starting place, you’re all on slowly merging lanes with totally different outcomes ahead. There are no seven golden tickets in play here. There’s a vast world and an unlimited supply of opportunities if you’ve allowed yourself to be flexible enough to really follow your heart. Authenticity is absolutely key.

That is the trick, though, isn’t it? Now that we can assume an even playing field, who are we and what can we uniquely bring to the table that can set us apart from the horde of individuals? It could be that you don’t want to mix in with the crowd and stay within your private niche, where you’ve created a safe place to express yourself and take chances in. You may already know who you are in that context, and that’s a great place to create from. If you’re going to get out there to see how far you can go, read on.